I believe in BEAUTY.
I believe in BEAUTY.
Dear Music Biz,
It’s not you, it’s me…or maybe it is you…
I used to buy CDs. I went on a vacation and for every live act I saw I bought at least 1 album. Truth be told, I came home and listened to none of them. Didn’t even google ‘em. But I still enjoyed going to the shows and making memories with my friends.
I used to buy mp3s. I thought every time I clicked “Purchase” I was telling the music industry I believed in it. But then I just kept deleting them cause they were taking up too much room and they were all on spotify anyways.
I used to go out every single night to hear live music. I wanted to show my support. I became friendly with a lot of people. But I also drank a lot. Which made me gain weight. And I had trouble waking up in the morning. So there was no way I was getting up early to go for a run.
I used to sign up for everyone email list. But then they all just started asking me for money. Like, ALL THE TIME. I get it. Pledge Music, Fan Funding. It’s a real thing. But it got to be too much so I unsubscribed from almost all of them.
I used to like bands on Facebook. But then I just kept getting invited to too many events that I knew I wasn’t going to make it to. I’m happy you’re playing a Wed night in Virginia, but there’s no way I’m coming.
I used to play the game. And it was fun at first. And then it just stopped being fun.
I got cranky. I was tired a lot and looked shit all day. And I was so worried about money all the time I had a constant stomachache.
I don’t really want to support the business anymore. Business is business. It’s not charity. It’s work. It’s not my job to stay interested in it. It’s the businesses job to keep me interested.
I don’t wanna sacrifice my health to support live music. Sure I could go out and not drink, but I’d still be out super late and I’d be super bored. I’d have trouble waking up on time and I’d be seeing the same thing every night. Bars are bars. They’re fun once in a while…
And I don’t want to fund your next album. Frankly, I don’t have the money. I don’t want to share your tweets and like all your instagram photos. Your cat is cute, but I have one of my own. And she’s fucking adorable.
And I don’t want to be your Facebook friend. In fact, I probably don’t even want to be your friend at all.
What I want is to be your fan.
I want to listen and enjoy.
I want to think that what you do is actually helpful to this world.
I want to be in awe of your talent and insight.
I want to be entertained.
I want to laugh when you play with humor and cry when you sing of heartache.
I want to be infected with your joy and I want your sound to be there for me when I’m feeling low.
I want to be excited.
I want to hear something new.
It’s all started sounding the same to me.
Why are you the only one
Who can bring out the artist in me
I’m a goddamn poet around you
The rest of the time I just stumble over my own words
It must be cause you make me feel
Am I really that dormant the rest of my life?
Just a piece of cardboard
Smiling through chicklet teeth?
Are my eyes just golf balls with blue dots drawn on them?
That sounds terrifying!
When you’re around I glow
My eyes become diamonds
I have roses on my cheeks
I see colors around you
Vibrant fucking colors
When you smile I get dizzy
Everything turns blurry and bright
And all I see is you
And you’re so damn beautiful
And I feel
I feel so much that I want it to stop
Because I know when you’re away it’s gonna hurt
It’ll all turn to grey and I’ll be empty again
I’ll stutter and my voice won’t sing the melody that’s in my heart when you’re around
When you leave I won’t dance
I’ll be stuck with two left feet
When you’re gone
I’ll still exist
But I won’t be alive